The Name's Metaphor, Blatant Metaphor
by Sandileina
Summary: Crack! This is a warning glimpse of what happens if you let any member of Rikkai become even slightly sleepdeprived.


**Disclaimer: **Here's a random fact: I'm Japanese, living in England. Assume that I'm American ONE MORE TIME, PEOPLE, and I may have to… um, curl up in a corner and cry. Here's another random fact: I don't own Prince of Tennis, or any of the lubbly characters. :)

**Rating: **PG, juuuuust in case.

**Warnings:** Really-not-drug-references, crack, oddly Westernised Marui o.0

**Summary: **Crack! This is a warning glimpse of what happens if you let any member of Rikkai become even slightly sleep-deprived.

**Author's notes:** Another Rikkai drabblething. **You don't have to have read the ones that come before this, but it might help a bit. **The drabblething list goes:

**Times of Stress**

**Passing the Time**

**How to ask out Marui Bunta**

**Four Days Later**

**October Ice**

**Because I Love You**

**Evil**

**Further Nonsense**

**Dear Diary**

**Kind of… the same**

**100 Word Challenges**

**Driver in a Hurry, Child in a Coma**

**Doctor, doctor!**

**The Woes of Solomon Grundy**

**I'm Not Going**

**The Little Things**

**I Had To**

**He WHAT?!**

**Operation: Christmas Party**

**Being Fukubuchou**

**Once Upon a Time**

**My Brother Bunta**

**Dear Diary: Living with Niou-senpai**

**A Morning at the Pool**

**This is Love**

**SFRR**

**And So It Begins**

**Most Unexpected**

**This Is March 5th **

**No Small Wonder**

**The Last Day Of A Stage in Life**

**Back to Basics**

**Blame it On the Damn Vodka**

**Papercuts**

**The Stuff of Myths**

**Finally Understood**

**Dear Diary: Beginning the Third Year**

**Operation: Disbelief**

**May 21st **

**The Collective Threads**

**A Minesweeper Kind of Mind**

**Sanada Hates Random**

**Time Will Tell. Probably.**

**The Way of the Jinx**

**The Hottest Fire**

**The Name's Metaphor. Blatant Metaphor.**

The following people are teh lobe; **Merissala **(You know I've hit a real low if someone's _review_ is longer than my fic… XD), **Bleach36910**, **Blufox, Ryuu Amethyst **(Nope! Bad Niou), **KiriharaAkaya** (HA! You said it! I win! Yagyuu _is_ straight!), **Juz-a-reviewer, Pikke Wood**, **kAruPiNChAn **(I think your review got cut off…? Thanks anyway!), **May-Linn87, Hropkey, Kawaii-Gaara-Chan, SupernaturalFreak1, Simmy.xxx, Nyleve, Batool **(You said it, dahl), **M **(Thanks! n.n), **Endlessly, Desdi **(Yeah. In my egoness, I'm rather proud of that mislead :D), **Ahotep, ShadowinRW,** **IceWolfQueen, CaffineFIX** (Your review just made me HAPPY), **Dazed Dreamer, Jomai **and **Awin-chan **(This soon enough for you? xD). 21 of these reviews were given in two days – another all-time record!! Thanks for making me happy.

I am suffering from sleep deprivation. Thus, I inflict my rambling, far-too-long suffering on you. Enjoy:D

Oh, also, **EvennexSoul**: your Drabblething is coming up next, hopefully this weekend. We got a new puppy, you see – hence the sleep deprivation and hard work and such n.n;; I've done the beginning bits, so it shouldn't be too hard to finish by Sunday. Forgive me? It's on the way. I felt bad for not updating, so even though this was just for fun/SD relief, here it is first. What a lucky piece of writing.

-------------------------------

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

Yo, Jackal! Whatcha up to?

**Nothing much. It **_**is**_** past midnight.**

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

Aww, is somebody sleepy?

**Kinda, but I can't seem to sleep anyway. It's too damn hot.**

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

But you used to live in Brazil, right? Wasn't it always hot over there?

**Yeah, but in my house there we camped outside in the summer. Here I have to sleep in my room and suffer.**

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

Ha ha. I have fans in my room. Big fans. Bit noisy though, which is probably why I can't sleep…

**Why don't you try playing some music really quietly over the top of it, or something?**

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

Hey, that's a pretty good idea. Hold on.

**Alright. Hey, is there any way to turn off the alert thing that tells me I have a new message from you? I know I have a new message, I can **_**see**_** it. I may be bald, but I'm not stupid.**

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

Ah well, that's debatable ;) And I can't find my CD player, and I'm not sleeping with my earphones in my ears in case I wake up to find my ears bleeding.

**Why the hell would they be bleeding?**

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

From plastic poisoning.

… **If you're in a Sleep-Deprivated Fit of Randomness Mood, then you can go message Niou instead.**

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

Are you kidding me? He'd _kill_ me for disturbing his sleep. Besides, you know you want to unleash the randomness too.

**I'm sleepy.**

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

All the better! Feel the sleep-deprived randomness seeping through your follicles Jackal, feel it.

**Through my **_**follicles**_

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

Yes.

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

Jackal? Did the follicle-seeping kill you, or something?

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

If I tell you how to get rid of the message alert, will you talk to me?

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NEW MESSAGE FROM MARUI BUNTA

Ok, you just go to the 'message options' menu thingy, go to 'alerts', go to 'change alert', and you should be able to turn it off. And/or select a funky alert noise.

**Let me guess; you selected a funky alert noise.**

Of course! Did it work?

**Yeah, thanks.**

So do I get conversation?

**Alright. But if it gets to past one, then I'm going to go to sleep. What noise did you select?**

Have you ever heard a camel snorting cocaine, sneezing it back out and opting to eat cheese instead?

**Yes, I regularly hear the sweet sounds of insanity through my bedroom window.**

Oh good. Well, it sounds like that.

**Sarcasm, Marui Bunta, sarcasm. What the hell was it titled?**

Lemme check.

'Aeroplane take-off'. It lies, it lies. It lies like a lying clam with lying problems and slight kleptomaniac tendencies, as 'Haru would say.

**I think I'm happy that I've never heard him say anything like that.**

Yeah, you seriously are, because he only ever says them when he's in a really bad mood, or a really good mood. But there's like, a 50-50 chance of it being either, so it's best to just run. Unless Yagyuu's around, 'cause he can tell which it is.

**I thought you could too?**

About seventy percent of the time, yeah. But the other thirty percent I can't, and I don't really wanna die young.

**You probably will anyway, all the sugar you eat.**

Hey! I don't say bad things about your up-top shinyness.

**My **_**what**_

LOL. Calling people bald isn't politically correct in England any more, you know.

**Where exactly do you think we live?**

Yeah, I know, but I think it's funny.

**Heh. It is pretty funny, actually.**

Not as funny as cactus socks though.

**True. Or fukubuchou singing Mie-chan to sleep.**

Or fukubuchou choking on noodles.

**Aww. That's just cruel. You've been spending too much time around Niou.**

Noooo, I've been spending too much time with Akaya who spends too much time around 'Haru.

… **But… you also spend too much time around Niou.**

Hmm. xDD Maybe. Shh.

Jackal?

HELLO? Did you go to sleep?

**You told me to shh.**

IT'S CALLED A FREAKING METAPHOR!

Gah. If I was there you'd be on the floor right about now.

**Damn right I would. I don't want you in my bed, thank you very much.**

Is _that_ a metaphor?

… **What? No…? How the hell can it be a metaphor??**

I'm dying of punctuation overdose here. Tone down the question marks, huh? You're not a manga chapter.

**Hmm. Imagine that.**

Oh, _wow_, yeah. You should have been born a manga chapter.

**But metaphorically.**

Yeah!

**You understood that? I sent it then thought, what the hell was I trying to say?**

Well, you know, sleep-deprivation randomness. It made perfect not-sense-sense.

**Ah. Gotcha. **

You should have a massive picture of a giant armadillo on the front. And it would be all about the adventures of this giant armadillo who is an outcast because of his baldness.

**But then gradually rises to popularity because of his kind heart.**

And he has a sidekick called…

**Pinky the fairy armadillo? They exist. Fairy armadillos. Well, they're extinct now, but you know. They did exist. And they're pink. **

That's a lame-ass name!

**Why? You're a pink-haired fairy. It fits perfectly.**

You're not meant to actually reveal the truth behind the metaphor if you're talking in metaphor-speak! And I don't care; Pinky's a lame-ass name. And the giant armadillo doesn't have an armadillo sidekick, 'cause that's just stupid. Howsabout a hawk thing?

**No way.**

Aww, c'mon! I could… I mean, the hawk sidekick can be the giant armadillo's cool best friend. He's all like, hey, he might be ugly and bald but he's got a good heart, y'all!

_**He might be ugly and bald**_

Giant armadillos are ugly. Hate to break it to you.

**No they're not! They're cute.**

Alright, whatever, the hawk can be like, he's a bald outcast, but he's got a good heart. And the other people in the manga kind of listen to him a bit because he's cool and popular and stuff, but not really until the giant armadillo starts gradually changing their lives through his kindness.

**If that's the storyline, then the giant armadillo needs some cool super-powers. **

Good idea! The hawk can too.

**No it can't! The sidekick can't be a hawk **_**and**_** have super-powers. A sidekick is called a SIDEkick for a reason, you know.**

Awwww! ;-;

**No.**

But… I want super-powers!

**Then the sidekick has to be a different animal.**

Like what?

**I dunno. Where's it set? Japan or Brazil or Washington DC?**

Just in some alternate universe.

**Alternate universe? Really…?**

Jackal Kuwahara, this is a world where giant armadillos change people's lives through kindness and overuse of flashy super-powers. I don't think alternate universes are an issue here.

**Hmm. Good point. Alright then, the sidekick can be…**

A wolf?

**No, they're not eligible for super-powers.**

What animals are, then?

**It's a choice between a pirahna, a rabbit, a turtle or a crane with one eye and debt problems.**

Hey, this sidekick is meant to be the giant armadillo's COOL best friend, here, you know!

**Pirahnas have teeth and are vicious, ergo cool. Rabbits can run very fast, ergo cool. Turtles live for a very, very long time, ergo cool. And the crane lost his eye fighting off rabid frog demons, and he's in debt to a drug dealer, ergo cool.**

… Hmmmmm. But rabbits aren't exactly helpful in a pinch.

**Hence super-powers**.

What's with you and the hence and ergo? Have you been stealing Yagyuu's thoughts again?

**I have no idea where I picked it up. Maybe from Yanagi or something. Anyway, which should the sidekick be?**

Um. Hmmm. Mmm.

**You know, you don't **_**have**_** to send me a message like that. I can wait for you to think.**

You might disappear into another dimension. Ok, ok, I decided – I'm gonna be an amphibious rabbit with one eye.

**No! You have to pick just one, otherwise you don't get super-powers.**

Damn. Alright, FINE, I'll be… howsabout the crane? Except this manga should be suitable for older kids, like ten-ish, so he should be in debt to a sugar dealer instead.

**Hmm, alright. Now, super-powers.**

Dibs on amphibious!

… **You cheater!**

Hey, amphibious cranes are amazing, man. And you can't tell me that the giant armadillo could swim, even if it could breathe under water or hold its breath for ages.

**Alright, alright, fine… Except armadillos can walk underwater, actually. Fact.**

Can giant armadillos?

HA.

**Shut up. Metaphorically. So what super-powers should the giant armadillo have, then? The sidekick 'cool' crane's amphibious. And it can summon clouds of metal-tipped feathers.**

Hey, that's a pretty damn cool idea.

**Thank you.**

The giant armadillo can have… lightning! He can shoot out lightning!

**Nah. He might cook himself.**

Crispy fried armadillo sticks. Yum yum. AH HA, that can be his power! He can make little fried armadillo kebabs out of himself to feed starving children and such, and so he wins over the hearts of the children in the first chapter. Who will later help him to melt through the ice of the hearts of the others.

**If it wasn't nearly half midnight, I'd probably think that that sounds stupid.**

As it is?

**I love it. He should have one other super-power that would actually do damage to an enemy though. Some kind of mind-control?**

No way. Giant armadillos can't just pop up in people's minds and control them. It'd be really awkward.

**I maybe see your point. Plus he'd be able to win over the hearts of the prejudiced townsfolk too easily.**

He'd choose not to use it like that, though, 'cause he's moralmified.

**Hmm… I guess, but we'll forget the mind-control thing anyway.**

I know! He can have… Oh no, wait, never mind, that wouldn't work. Oh, maybe he can create compressed sandstorms?

**What were you going to say?**

I was gonna suggest Mura2000 power, but then he'd be able to win over the townsfolk without even trying, so that's pointless.

**Good point.**

He can have fukubuchou2000 power instead!

**What's that like?**

It works on the principle that if the giant armadillo makes the enemy run enough laps, they might obey him eventually.

**How would he make them run laps? **

By bribing them with the kebabs! Oh my god, it's so perfect!

**That **_**is**_** good. You have occasional moments of brilliance.**

Yep! Mostly at one in the morning, eh?

**The arch-villain is immune to fukubuchou2000 power, too, so without it the giant armadillo and the crane are in trouble.**

He's immune 'cause he has special Mega100 'Haru shielding inside his brain.

**Good idea, but stupid name. It should be called SnarkEXtreme.**

Ok, SnarkExtreme it is!

**No, no, SnarkEXtreme. With added power of X, you see.**

Ohh, right. I thought it was just a typo. That's even better, then. Yay, he can be the arch-villian air-breathing shark!

**You know, we need names.**

Yeah. I'm not much good at naming stuff though.

**Yeah, Akaya's told me.**

The giant armadillo should be called Metaphor, though.

**First name, Blatant?**

YES!!

**Then the crane is called…?**

Um…

**Wingy McFeathersbill.**

No!

**It's better than "Metaphor. Blatant Metaphor."**

He wouldn't introduce himself like James Bond. He's an outcast with probable self-esteem issues.

**Alright, alright, if you're gonna be picky about the psychology… **

Howsabout we call the crane something like Sasuke?

**That's a ninja name. The crane's not a ninja.**

Koga?

**That's also a ninja name!**

I like ninja.

**I don't care. What about Pancake?**

… Pancake the amphibious crane?

**He's addicted to sugar, right? Pancakes are addicted to sugar.**

No they're not.

**Yes they are.**

They would be if they could find their veins to inject it in.

… **Pancake is still a good name.**

Is not. Think of a better name.

**Why don't we just call it Bunta?**

Mmm…

**And he can have two little twin brothers who work for the arch-villian.**

Ok, I'm sold. :D Bunta it is. Bunta's a cool name anyway.

**Which is, of course, why your parents chose to spell it in katakana rather than the kanji.**

Hey, shut up metaphorically! It might be old and kind of pretentious, but it's still a cool name!

**Alright, alright, just teasing.**

I know, idiot. :p Man, this would be the greatest manga of all time if it came into being.

**I think that might be a little exaggeration, but yeah.**

It'd be better than, say, a manga about tennis. 'Cause, you know, it's the best thing ever to play, but I bet you anything it'd be so boring to read about.

**Probably. Argh. It's past one, I'm deadly tired, and my follicles are clogged with insanity. Good night.**

Night. Have good dreams about Metaphor and Bunta.

**I'll try. See you at practice tomorrow.**

SUPER-MESSENGER v.4.2 IS SHUTTING DOWN

-------------------------------

Sandy: If you liked it, then good! Leave me a review to say so :D And if you didn't like it, then leave me a review saying why. n.n All comments are completely welcome and encouraged. Especially extra long ones. With mad suggestions/theories. xD. If you're feeling especially kind, then please include your favourite quote from this or any other Drabblething in your review, as this helps me improve!

Ah, if only I could draw and have patience/willpower. I'd totally draw this manga series. XD

Until next time!

P.S. **KiriharaAkaya**: Your essay's on the way too. n.n;; I really am bad with the promises, aren't I? Soooooorrrryyyy…


End file.
